Trashy

HAPPY 猴年, EVERYONE!!! 🍊🍊

It's the first day of a brand new lunar year, and yet I'm starting it with a....... badly titled entry. Actually, base on my emotions right now..............., this will very much become an 'un-festive' entry too. Not the best ways to start, but meh 🐏

More about my Lunar New Year in another entry (it's been pretty good, actually😍), I'm here blogging right now at this time because it's another one of those nights I refuse to sleep.

Yes, refusing sleep.

If only we don't need sleep, I could spend all my time doing what I should be doing and waste half of them watching dramas. Lol. Pathetic. I'm back to watching dramas again... This time watching so so so many. I counted, I'm watching 9 different dramas now!!! Addicted.

I haven't been feeling my best lately. Happy, but mixed with many other negative emotions. I'm not thrilled about feeling this way... I am happy and content with life, but at the same time, I am frustrated, dejected and lost. Going by each day (non-workdays) with less sleep makes each day feel like a dream. The day seem to just..... go by. I kindda like it that way. Each day goes by like a dream. Like I am constantly high and light-headed. Obviously can't sleep less on work days because..... Well, i have to work.

I was refusing sleep and making myself think about random (and mostly stupid) things while staring into space. I found the possible reason why I'm so into dramas again.

I'll very much choose to live in another world if I can. Another dimension. One where nothing is ever real. One where I can freely pick what I wanna go through, feel, and just..... everything. One world where I have full control over every single shit that happens. Like characters in SIMS. Maybe this is why I'm again so hung up on dramas these days. Watching them makes me feel like I'm sucked into another world. No problems.. Nothing real.

I know I shouldn't be impatient in life. I'm still relatively young and is still allowed to make mistakes and bad choices. It's better now or never, right??? But this sense of lost is taking a toll on me. So much so that I no longer feel the desires for change.