Thursday, April 24, 2014

Just today.

Just today.

I am embarrassed to admit, but just today, I felt envious. Envious of my little sister, for the very first time. Envious of her achievements.

Envious and then embarrassed. Embarrassed of myself, as the elder sister.

I've always been proud of my sister. For excelling in school and being the more knowledgeable one. I've always been proud of everything she has done and achieved.

Doing better in O's. Nailing a scholarship for her diploma. Having a really good paying job even before graduating. And now, getting her Diploma with Merit as her school's top 10%. Also... her being a lot a lot more knowledgeable.

She has always been better. I've always been proud.

But just today, I feel envious and embarrassed for the first time. As she happily annouce her being the top 10% graduate in her school, I was proud. Very proud.

And then envious.

And then embarrassed.

I was envious she has something my parents could be proud of, and brag about. I was embarrassed for not having any.

I wondered for a bit.. What I was doing during my three years in Poly.

She has always been better. And I, have always unconsciously depended and relied on her. Like as if, I'm the younger sister in an older body.

I've depended and relied on her so much. And in so many areas.

Just today, I'm wondering what I have done as an elder sister. What kind of example have I been..

She has always been better. So much so, I feel embarrassed as the elder sister. The older one.

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