Thursday, February 27, 2014

Sick And Tired.

​I am extremely sick and tired of being so fucking bothered by this.

It's been so so so long and I'm still not completely over it. I want to and need to talk to someone about it, but even I find it annoying to harp on it constantly.. I bet the person I've been talking to is also somewhat sick of listening to my rants about the same damn thing too. (Sorry, permanentbestfriend)

I feel extremely frustrated with myself for thinking about it, still.

How? I can't control feeling pressed about it. I want a switch for my feelings; A switch with a 'On' and 'Off' option.......... Sigh.

What happened? Why has it all turn into such a mess?

I'm such a mess. I'm feeling really pressed.

There is a saying which goes something like "don't go to bed angry". Though in the context of relationships and marriage... What about going to bed feeling devastated?

I am feeling sad tonight.

So upset that I can't fall asleep, even though I'm feeling more exhausted right now.

I'm feeling sick. But, I'm not sure if I'm more sick in the heart or sick in the tummy. x,x Too much unhealthy food these days, my tummy is feel so screwed, I just wanna dig my throat and puke. But no, I hate the taste of bile.

At this point, I am losing it.
I am no longer sure if I am bothered by it because I am bothered by it or because I am thinking abo​​ut it.
I am no longer sure if I am making myself think about it or I am just really bothered by it.
I am no longer sure if I am bothered by it and thus thinking about it or I am just making myself think about it so I can get bothered by it.

Confusing shit you say? Try being in my current state; My mind is going through this massive roller coaster ride, I think my brain is going to puke.

At this point, I am losing it.

I am so freaking sick and tired of being bothered by this up until now.

Jasmine. Get a grip. It's in the past. It has passed. ♬Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore.♬

The earth, and everyone else, has moved on and rotated around for months already. But, here I am still stuck in the past. Help!

I guess, the only solution to this knot in my heart is to face it and bravely untie the knot in one shot. (Or maybe, I can try crying?) To talk about the entire thing, clear the air of any grayness and to know the truth. The truth.

The truth, I want to and need to know.

I can't contain this curiosity any longer. But curiosity killed the cat. I can't kill cats, that's animal cruelty. Too many people involved, I need to refrain myself from stepping forward and seeking the truth, possibly hurting someone.
But here I am, all hurt myself.

Help. I need help.

Maybe I should really try crying. I want to cry. I want to weep. But no tears are giving way to help make me feel better. All those little selfish bastards. Really. I want to cry but I can't. I want a relief but I can't relief it in any way.

I am feeling devastated tonight.

There goes a saying "don't go to bed angry". What about going to bed feeling sad? I am upset.

Everything has changed, despite us hoping nothing would.

I've missed you. I've missed you guys.
I miss the friendship.

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