I've been a little sensitive about the people around me lately. I realize, I may have unknowingly made some people feel lonely (or that's what I think luh). Everytime I choose to opt out of lunch, it's like they are left to be alone and then maybe..... lonely? Probably just me, but this thought gave me a notion.
It is not difficult to make another feel lonely and unwanted. And it's a bad thing to do. We have to be careful with what we say and do to others. It's important. Because I think loneliness is a horrible feeling, and it's worse when someone blatantly makes you feel that way.
All that said, I've been different these days. I no longer care as much about the people here. I just do my work and try to avoid further casual encounters (E.g. Lunch) as much and as gently as I can. Being a two-faced bitch now, aren't I?
Hmm... It all started this year actually.
Maybe it's the new circle of friends I've made late last year. Maybe. Could be. Probably.
But it's not like I have lunch with them every day now... I just lunch-in and choose to have lunch with them whenever they ask.
One thing I know though, I've been showing symptoms of boredom during lunch (with...... let's call them "usual") for the longest time ever. My colleague started pointing out to me, hitting me and saying "You and your texting" / "Why are you always on the phone?" / "You and your phone" / "Jasmine is always on her phone now" / "Who are you texting? / It became so often that I couldn't be bothered to stop anymore. I sometimes wondered why and would actually feel bad too..
But I forgot, that was a clear indication of boredom.
Met up with an ex-colleague recently, and she made me realize why I've been not interested in the usual anymore. She pointed out that she gets bored of listening to people talk about their children. And she has 2 children herself! When I heard that..... It clicked! TADAAAH!! That's the answer. The answer to why I've been choosing to avoid having lunch with the usual if I can. It's because of................ the lack of common topic, basically. As the group becomes leaner, the conversations we have becomes more boring. :X
I can't help thinking I wanna get out. It's like.. I feel guilty and sometimes awful to say no, but I want a break. A real break. It didn't feel as bad back then because there were more of us. We talked about more things. And now? :(
I am a little bitch alright.