This is not what I wanted.

That's why people always say : "You don't always get what you want."

The best word to describe how I feel right now at this very moment is:
Disappointed.
With you, with me, with him, with her, with us, with them...

(I won't make any sense to you from here onwards, so just skip this entry.)

Those disappointing happenings have finally got to me. Though I've been trying hard to suppress all the crap, my serenity is finally being disturbed. Sigh. Honestly, I have no idea what to do with all these right now. I feel rather stupid and useless.
I feel like just coping at home and run away from all the crap. But, everyone knows how running away from problems is a cowardly act. And, I'm definitely not one.

I really miss those times. I just can't help recalling everything when there's a chance or when there's something that'll remind me of us all. The feeling's saddening because I know I can't get them back anymore. But I'm glad I've been there. Yes contradicting. But that's what makes life all so complicated isn't it? :/ You love and hate something/someone at the same time.

Brings me to another point. How do you expect me to continue believing in you(someone) when my trust has been betrayed again and again? I'm pissed- for you didn't even bother to contact. Is it needed for us to keep rushing you, keep reminding you, keep contacting you first to make you move and stuff? Are we your nannies? Are we supposed to be letting you do what you want all the time? I don't like saying these in here. But if seems like talking to you, being frank to you and telling you what we feel ain't helping. You never change. Or rather, haven't change. How many times are we supposed to close one eye and let you step over? Because you matter to us that's why we close both eyes and shut our bloody mouth.
Yeah yeah, you're busy. Really busy. I get it. And I have no objections or opinions or whatsoever to your stuffs. But like I've said- prioritise your stuff, manage your time. Oh well, wait- you didn't have time to drop by but had time for leisure?
I'm tired. You feel tired with your stuffs and all but have you considered your friends? This is a whole lot of tiring crap to handle. It's a mistake from the start. and so, we're supposed to tolerate your nonsense...

If they are all tolerated this time round, what about the next time?

And then, I'm tired of all your excuses. No wait, your reasons. Your sense of responsibilities is dubious. Sigh. I'm sick and tired of your .........and all that. Come on, we're not your mother or nanny, why do we need to spoon-feed you almost all the time?! :@

Lastly, I'm goddamn disappointed with myself. After so many times, so many lessons; I still can't get it right... I need to have more concentration and more confidence in myself. It's dangerous if I were to lose control. Sigh. If only I can practise it more often. :S

Okay, I'm done ranting and complaining. Feel so much better now. :D

Please don't assume anything in here if you've read till here. Just ask and maybe, just maybe, I'll tell you. (:
But if you feel any pricks any how, you should know what to do.

PS: I feel goddamn stupid right now. No wait, I AM goddamn stupid. Zzz
PS: If we were to tolerate you people's crap this time round, what about the next time? Don't take us for granted.