can't stop thinking about it..

sighhs. i know it's damn stupid. but, i just can't stop thinking about it when everything has settled down and i'm resting or at least when i'm having nothing in mind, i just can't stop being bothered about it. it just keep making me wonder and be sad about it. and, it's still stupid to think about it. sighhs. why?
i was so looking forward to what is up for me but it's kindda sad and scary to be able to see the future. be it whether it's general or the whole picture.

it's also dumb to have to face things that have already been planned for us when we were born. at that point of time when i was told, i wanted to tear. but, i couldn't. it will be stupid if i cry. but, i really couldn't control. i felt numb all over at that moment. no wonder things started to become so weird. it's like the pretty things i see now may just fall apart the next second i'm not paying attention to it.
the knot in my heart is killing me. the question marks and everything. it's like efforts now may turn out to nothing but just plain efforts next time. i don't blame anyone but i feel tears everytime i think about it. it's plain stupid but i can't stop being stupid. i can't stop myself from believing. and, it's still stupid. damn stupid.

what if i won't be able to blog anymore right after this post? this is ridiculous because i know i'll be able to live long. -.- but it's still stupid to have to be more precautious now. that i have to take note of more things. how to change the way i am? to not trust everyone so easily? i must be nutts if one day i really stop trusting people. in fact, i'm nuts now. maybe i don't trust everyone now bahhs. okay, i'm being stupid and going nuts now.

totally no mood to start on my assignments. all i can think of now is to leave my house and go to somewhere peaceful and tear all night till my eyes hurt like as if it was going to pop out any second. how i wish i can forget about everything after tonights' sleep.

why must things be planned? our greatest enemy is ourselves but then, it's actually fate. the fate of our lives. the only thing that is not being controlled is our thoughts. the rest? maybe everything was planned a million or a zillion years ago. even the time for poverty to stop existing in the world or the time where dinosaurs should all be dead or the time where technology takes over humans and their lives.
then again, i'm being stupid.

then again, i'm thinking too much.
then again, i shouldn't be bothered about it since it may not be hundred percent true.
then again, i can't stop being stupid to believe and see things in that direction.
then again, i can't decide on things anymore.

the things i've spend so much time getting, achieving may be tarnished and end up to become zero. i hate it but i can't help it. i think it's stupid but i can't help it. i think it's dumb but i still can't help it.
what a life.

i miss being a child, an innocent and naive child. lols.