Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Wearing Me Down

It's the eve of Christmas eve. But at work, it's like any other day; The same old routine goes on, the same old issue is discussed. Except, there's just a lot less people around.

What have I expected to change, right?

I like these periods though. Less crowd during the journey to work, and less annoying people at work. :X

Recently, the force to remain in bed every morning is very strong. I've also been feeling so blah, meh and pfft at work. It's been.... 2 months now. 2 months of feeling dreadful, unmotivated and just............ not want to work.

I wake up in the morning and feel "meh" I wanna sleep and never wake up.
I go to work feeling "pfft" I wish this traffic will continue to be bad so I'll never have to reach the office.
I read emails from people and go "blaaah" I'll just wait for tomorrow to look at this again.
Tomorrow is a big black hole.

I cannot understand why I am feeling this way, and I can't seem to figure out how to resolve this negativity.

Just last week, I got closer to some people in another department and made new friends this week.
I've been happy these 2 weeks. Thanks to the parties and my new friends at work.

Christmas is indeed magical!

Shared with my girlfriends last night that these new friends might just be the reason to keep hold of me here for a little longer. It feels amazing to have people you can "click" with. It feels like I'm back in school having fun after a long day!

But today, I got this notion repeating in my head throughout our weekly meeting...:
"I wanna get out of here. I wanna get out of here so bad."

It's overwhelming. Makes me question myself so much...
"Why am I doing this? Why am I still here? Why do I hate it so much?"

But no. What I need now is not to get out of here, but to stay calm and think rationally.
Plan and not act too hastily.
What I need now is a mentality change.

It's all in our head, no?

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