There is still this knot and emptiness that I feel whenever I chance upon this topic... Am totally aware that no one is to blame but me, myself and I. But still, I feel sad looking at how things have transited and became. Definitely didn't want things to end up like this. Sometimes i ask myself these "what ifs"...... I should have tried harder. I should have fought the negatives inside instead of letting them take over my perceptions. Maybe i should have work less harder on the favourite side and brush up on the lacking one... :/ but then again, I can't keep on trying on something that doesn't make me happy. Seriously, i dont feel happy half the time. In fact, I slowly felt out of place as time goes by. Disconnected somehow. Maybe that was why I chose to be more occupied with one and gave the least priority to it... To be more caught up with one and neglect this and made things worse than it pretty much already was.. Because of the negatives, I guess? The negatives that closed my mind from being compromising, forgiving and instead, make me more... Picky? Frustrated? And, easily... bored? The reasons that made me walk away.
Yes, it does show myself and other people the significance of it.
But it is not like I choose to feel this or that.. :/ I just chose not to fight them.. Sigh.
Whenever there is a "what if", it means there is something I am unhappy or uncontent about. So rare to have a "what if" occurring in me... People would usually advice; "do something about it, make a change! Don't walk away.." but, it is too late to do anything about it.
Can never cry over spilled milk. Or do anything to change the fact that milk was spilled. Even if I took a cloth to "collect" the spilled and salvage them in a cup, it will definitely taste weird already.
Which means, even if I tried to do anything about it, it will definitely not be the same anymore. Some people choose to make a change and accept the difference but I, choose to walk away like I always do. Choosing the easier way out.
Maybe it is time to buy new cartons of milk. This time, more careful while handling them in case of spilling anymore... :/
Honestly, I don't understand why I'm still being so damn affected. Not like I would be any happier if things were the same. In fact, i may be more burdened. So if it doesn't brighten up my days in any ways, why am I still caught up with the strings and the knot???? I dont even miss anything.. Zz Need to get over this, and sooooooooooooooon.
Probably going to sound all weird and funny to you people. But that doesn't matter. Just needed a space to rant everything that's in my head. In fact, it is surprising anyone actually bothered to read till here (scans are not considered!!).. What a nag I am, I get it. Don't like words? Just scram. :)
Why is our mind made more active at night when it is supposedly bed time?! All these active braincells are causing me to stay up late! Tsssssssk.
No comments:
Post a Comment