High Threshold For Bullshit

Lol. 

Do I really have a high threshold for bullshit?

A few things people have been telling me lately...

"Stop trying to be a hero."

"You need to have more self-love and be more kind to yourself. You are already doing very good at work."

"Crying so often is not normal."

"You have a high threshold for bullshit!"

Lol.

Why am I like that?
My mental state has stabilised from last week, feeling almost back to normal with my usual motivation for work.

Why am I like that?
I would think because I keep bouncing back up after feeling beaten, it makes people think I have a high tolerance for bullshit - do I really, though? :/ Or are some of my friends only seeing what I am showing them, and if so - Am I showing them that I have a high tolerance for bullshit? I would like to think that isn't true, though - that I have a high tolerance for the bullshit that is.

"Hero" 
I have no idea how S conceptualised this... But I guess that is true to some extent - me always accepting things, thinking I can. 

No, I know I can. 

BUT, I can do so many things only with the time given to me to do it. 

One thing I now hate is attending meetings. The nonstop back-to-back discussions... Where the hell is the time for me to do actual work? It's so bad that I prefer working over the weekends and spend the many small gaps between calls just stoning. 

It's so bad for my productivity, but my brain just can't. 

"Self-love"
A random big topic last weekend with the clique. 

I love myself quite a bit. But I guess I forgot that doing adequately for work and knowing when to let go is another form of self-love. 

Overwhelming myself is definitely not self-love. Most definitely not worth it too.

Random realisation - what if I chiong so fucking much, but my performance bonus is just shit? Lol. I mean, I value the work that I do. Just not as much as companies do.

Or maybe it's indeed true - I do have a high threshold for bullshit.

Laughing it off

Today’s a trying day, with multiple shitty episodes handling challenging people.

I managed to laugh them all off though......
The rude building management giving me nothing but trouble.
The colleague trying to push her work over.
The boss yelling at me.
All these, on top of the never-ending emails I have and the mountainous work pile.

I still managed to laugh them all off though! And I’m glad. :)

Leave?

Surprisingly, it really did take me more or less 24 hours to get over the poor compensation I got. 

For a year’s worth of effort, adults get these compensation numbers; seemingly what the management/company deem corresponds to the effort people put in for their work. I suppose this is just like students getting their results from their tests; after a long period of preparation. Then again maybe not so much since test questions have a right and wrong answer, but effort, contribution and value is subjective to different people in the real world.

While I have come to terms with the disappointing numbers I got, it seems like this is a period where people start encouraging others or themselves to move on. . . . . . 

It’s been. . . . . . 3.5 years.

Some said “It’s time…” and some asked if I am still learning, if there’s still a prospect.

Is leaving really a great move? Am I not feeling the desire to leave because I’m too comfortable, too content and too lazy? But I do see possibilities of learning more, it’s just…. Circumstances make the possible changes happen slower.

A Weekend of Sleep

It has been a great weekend of S-L-E-E-P for me. So shagged from Friday's event that I am amazed I have slept so much!! Was basically awake and about for…. JUST 9 HOURS on Saturday LOL and 8 hours today (I am heading back to bed soon). It's like my days have inverted, but I am more amazed at how I can sleep again at night! Naps in the middle of the day used to screw my sleep cycle… Have I really aged?! Lol.

Anyway, apart from talking about my long sleep this weekend, I also wanted to just talk about the mentally and physically draining Friday. Very briefly.

So it was our Townhall on Friday and I am so glad we made the decision to volunteer and help out albeit all the work we did. I have always enjoyed being part of organising an event, so this time was no different. Physical exhaustion for another day when I blog about it, but mentally……………..

I pretty much wasn't in my best mood since 1pm because I felt bad for something I did. Was pretty zoned out during lunch and then at about 2:20pm, I came to realise I forgot something for work again!!!! Totally ruined my excitement for the evening only to be stunned by another last-minute request to prepare something. One we didn't manage to fulfil at all la. 50 - 80 flower pins to be prepared in 3 hours. Impossible.

Then, came the shocking news I got which really left me………. Speechless. I was definitely not expecting it, though I had kindda….. Thought about it? I mean…. It is not something I was praying for, I was praying for a change instead. Not saying I wasn't happy with the conversion offer, I was delighted! 

Maybe, just maybe, that is the change that I'd prayed for…...?

Appreciation

Received this message from my team lead on Friday afternoon.
So humbled and thankful to know people actually 'sees you'. :')
It is not the first time I have been told something like this, but it’s because people here are not stingy with their compliments that makes work easier somedays. :’)

Blogging it only now because I just fully took in the message today; Having afterthoughts 2 days later. Lol!!!

I read it on Friday and felt a quick burst of happiness, but was out with Jo and Karena, and left it in a corner of my mind. Then, I proceeded to waste my weekend with dramas that I kind of forgot about it until........ now. System hanged so bad. Lol.

I read the message again tonight and thought about it.

Showing appreciation is not common these days. People jump on making criticism faster than acknowledging a job well done. These people don't realize how much this little appreciation could make someone go much further.. how much this simple thought could make someone have more pride in their work. (Not just brightening up their days.)

I say it's a 'little appreciation' because, seriously..... How difficult is it to say "Thank you" or "You did well" that people say it so little? Such simple remarks won't cut your flesh when you say it anyway, right? But I guess, this is a company culture issue?

At least for me, when people tell me that, it shows that they see what I do and makes me want to put in even more effort to complete a job. Making someone happy makes me happy too.

I am proud of how far I have come.

From not being the first candidate my team lead wanted to hire (because I was so negative during the interview), to hating the change on my second day (I actually doubted my life's decision then lol), to completing my first year here and getting appreciated for the work I do.

It's been a great journey.

I won't say there weren't any bad days. Of course there were. I struggled here and there with my own self-doubt, but there were definitely less bad days than in the previous job. Sad to say. Though it wasn't that bad there either...

It is just a different culture.

My team members often tell me that I am the best PMO thus far. I am thankful for this thought, but I never really regarded these feedback because they were just being nice about me being nice (getting good pantry food). At one point, I actually got frustrated for being recognized for just this (like once or twice only la!).

I mean.... food ordering is so simple! I wanted to be recognized for better things! Then I realize it was still something they were grateful for; I could save the trouble, do a halfass job and order just the cheap stuff in bulk, but I don't. I maximize the budget with good snacks so people enjoy them amidst their work.

I can't see myself doing a halfassed job.

Besides, getting appreciated is better than nothing right? That's what this entry is about anyway! Lol.

So yes, I am proud of how far I have come despite getting second thoughts every once in a while. And I am very grateful for the people I am working with right now. Thankful that the managers I work with recognises the work I do. And I am really happy that the people in this organisation are good people - or at least those that I interact and have met with. ♥

Work

As of today, I am still trying to clear my one-years’ worth of blog backlog. But looking back, I realize how much unhappiness and anger I had back then in 2015. In the job particularly. Thinking about it, I haven’t had that many entries since I started in the new place other than the first few where I was just shocked at the culture difference. Lol. This is good, right?

Choo Choo... Sushi Is Here!

Is it weird that I get all happy and excited when there is an opportunity to hang out with colleagues after work hours? Lol. I am really glad I have come to have colleagues I can now call friends. Work is a lot more fun when it's not just all serious and professional. HEH.

We spend so much of our time at work... I think it is a really sweet deal if you end up clicking so well with your colleagues that you become friends! Like going to school, most of your classmates are good friends and going to school was almost a breeze! I've always wanted to hangout with people I work with since Maybank days, but most of them have their own families and are too busy to hangout.......................



Hmmm.

I... I think I need to know more people out of my circle and workplace. Hurrr.

A Week of Birthday!

Birthdays are especially special when they are spent with people who matters in your life, and when you have people who goes the extra mile to make it special for you. :)



A quick and simple surprise our colleagues pulled for Gowry and I.
What are the odds, one of my favourite colleague's birthday is just a day after mine! :)




&She got a lovely bouquet of flowers from her hubby later that evening.
I want a bouquet tooooooooo


Later that same day, I met up with Zylia for my birthday treat!!


Queue-d quite a bit for this.. It was nice, but not very worth any queue. =p


&On Friday, my other project team surprised me too!
With cute whiteboard drawings. Heh.


Also met up with some friends from Maybank over a good evening of food and catchup!







Life's good, when you have good people in your life. ♥

Also, no picture of Karena and Jolene, but the dessert we had together over the week. HEHE.

Ending this post with a stupid video. Lol.

February's Snapshot!

We Lou Hei-ed!

With the new PMOs @ Soup Restaurant!


And exactly a week after, the project louhei-ed today too!!
First time organising this, there was so much to take note, setup and look after!


Everyone's happy faces and the loud cheers made it all worthy though. :')

I am growing up to really like Yusheng... This sweet (many times too sweet) oriental salad with sashimi. ♥ Hate it when they put abalone though. NOT THE SAME.

Okay, bye. HUAT AH!!

January's Snapshot!

HIIIIIII!!!
Received a second postcard from Haniza all the way from New Zealand and was so excited!!
I never knew it would be such a joy to get something from someone abroad. :')
Though, I have to point out she totally misspelled my name.
WHO IS QING JI!! Hahahhaha.


January was a sad month with Jacintha leaving us too~


Farewell lunch for this funny woman~




Finally met up with Birgit and was so happy her son Rocco joined! :)
Super chubs and cute this boy. Had Zi Char near her place and it was so good!


Last meal together in the year of the Monkey!!
Mostly because I didn't wanna head home to early (for fear I have chores to do. Oops!)

Girls Do Nails till 1AM

Thursday night would definitely be a night to remember with these girls; don't have to tell me how insane it is to stay up in the office doing nails, but we did it together and until the wee hours! Hahaha.


The results!

Michelle had to paint everyone's nails and then stamp them with the designs we want; thus taking a really long time. We also had to move twice. First to the nearby Community Centre because we didn't want to pollute the office, but later back in the office anyway because the Community Centre was going to close (it was past 10pm). We later left office past 1am, and was back at work by 10am. LOL. Crazy, or insane?

Quick snap of us! Michelle, obviously still very excited. Lol.


Kudos to Michelle! Making this happen, bringing her kit and all her nail polish. hehe.


Vivian's nails (her base are pre-made)! These stamps are pretty amazing! Look at the details...


All super exhausted after the long day, but still happy with our nails! ^^

All ready for CNY now (in a few hours!!!). HEHE.

December's Snapshot!

Phoenix PMO Christmas lunch! :)



Random meet up with Bing Cheng and Jiaxuan on Christmas even for a nice brunch! :D




Working beside a sleeping dog; good life she has!


&Bye!

More Gifts Please!

The year is coming to an end soon, but we ain't even done with Christmas yet!! I like how Christmas is allegedly 12 days and we can continue spoiling each other with gifts until it is over. :p That's what the PMOs at L2 did earlier today. HEHE.


Us after lunch today exchanging gifts!


One gift from each of us to each of us! Lol.




Got me a gold watch


&Things on my wishlist! muahahaha.

♥these 2

Christmas Picnic...

...with my favourite project thus far. ^^
Merry Christmas from us!!

But no, we did not celebrate Christmas picnic-ing (I wish!), but had dinner at Wisma's Picnic X!! We reserved a really dreamy and cozy area that looked gorgeous with Christmas decorations up. Really set the mood. Heh.

Just came back from a comfortable celebration; enjoying good food, great company and unwrapping gifts from our Secret Santa. I like the idea the girls came up with; everyone was told to provide just 3 adjectives to describe what they want to receive this Christmas and Santa would pick what they want to give base on that 3 words! Of course, no names were noted and only revealed tonight~



The most memorable thing tonight; A manager turn to me and asked "So, how many children do you have?"

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha.