What Will I Do In Future?

“As for what I will do in the future, and what I will become when I grow up............ I have no idea.”

“Do what you like to do right now.
Something your heart wants rather than your head.
If you do what you like to do now, one day you might want to become something.”

-Sassy Go Go X


What does my heart want though? It's been slightly more than a year since we've left school and yet, I'm still here just wondering what I want to do and where I want to be.. It's frustrating to be confused and going around in life without a direction. Just do what I like now to do now... There's nothing I like to do now. T_T Sigh.

The things that drama makes me think and feel.

Self-Doubt

Feeling this overwhelming sense of self-doubt tonight, and I don't like any one bit of it.

Making mistakes is inevitable.
Making mistakes is a way to learn, to grow.
Making mistakes is common.
Making mistakes is not embarrassing.
Making mistakes is something we can afford to do now. In our twenties.

All is fine, all is true to some extent. But, making mistakes can also cause a negative impact on our well-being.

I've been making a lot of mistakes lately. This month. I feel a different emotion everytime I make a mistake.

I feel frustrated. I feel silly. I feel exasperated. I feel useless. I feel upset. I feel embarrassed. I feel stupid.

I thought I was coping fine with making mistakes...... Well, I was. Until, tonight.

This overwhelming sense of self-doubt.

I'm pondering what the hell am I doing. What the hell am I good at. Why the hell am I so clueless. Why the hell am I so lack of alertness.

I've never felt so.... bad about myself before. So useless. So awful. And I don't like feeling this way. At all.


---


“It’s everyone’s first time in this life, so it’s inevitable that we aren’t perfect, and that’s why we are pitiable, and that’s why we can make some mistakes…”

- It's Okay, That's Love, X

Unpredictable Life.

"We don't know how life will turn out.
There is not way we can avoid it.
We just have to face it, and get hurt once in a while.

Even so, life sometimes thrill us with unexpected events.
And gives us happiness when we overcome hardships."

- Reply 1997, X

Right Answers & Right Decisions.

"There is no right answers in life.

Don't look for answers. Right and wrong answers co-exist in every decision we make.

Wise people make a choice, and make it the right answer; While foolish people regret the decision and make it the wrong answer.

There is no right answers in life.

There is only the process to make a decision the right answer."

- Emergency Couple, X

Weltschmerz

Suddenly wonder what's the thing that makes me genuinely happy.
Used to be simple things and now...? Happiness seem so hard to achieve in life sometimes. Especially when you're growing up or  rather, have grown up. Maybe, I should stop searching and feeling so complicated.

Happiness
It's something everyone searches for.
Some are sure they'll find it by moving back to their past.
Some think they'll find it by making a new friend,
Some hope they'll find it once they defeated the competition.
Then there are those who stop searching for happiness because they look up one day, to discover, it was right there in front of them, all the time.
- Desperate Housewives

It's probably just the acceptance and getting used to that I do~ Make do with everything and lose my positives bit by bit along the way while being swallowed by the sad reality slowly. I'll pick them up though.
I always do.

OR MAYBE, I've been staying at home too much! I get sad when I don't head out much sometimes. :/ Must be this reason. Pfft. Party all night long tomorrow onward!