Among the many many difficulties there is in life, I think maintaining a relationship is one of the toughest. It takes two to clap; but, there are times where things just eventually.......................
Since forever, I've this weak spot for friendships. I am forever bothered by this F. Forever.
Always random thinking about some people or the past and then feeling all depressed. Zz
Today, I randomly miss someone.
This someone, I thought I would hang out with for a long time. Ironically, 'long time' in our friendship is short-lived. The last of our exchange was a nonchalant response from me; because I was frustrated. No replies after supposedly postponing our meetup in the last minute and then after more than one month, all I receive is a self-interest question. No 'thank you' thereafter either. :'/
Other times, I get slapped in the face with the indirect "you're not invited" notices. Like not being invited to a w by someone I actually thought was close(apparently not); and then, people from the same circle of friends just have to let me know about it. I was informed. And then later got reminded, again. :'/ Or be notified by the classic updates on social medias with their happy pictures; either I see them or someone would come up to me and ask why I wasn't in the picture. >:'(
I sometimes would also randomly think of some people.
A few whom I really really wanted the friendship to work but because of really random past; they didn't and will not work out anymore. There were also some who just walked out of the friendship because we no longer share the same frequencies. :'(
Sometimes, I just wonder why I allow myself to feel miserable and sad with people who, obviously, don't consider much about me. I mean, I have friends who deserve my thoughts more. A lot more. But no, my mind enjoys stabbing my heart with people who has proceeded their lives without me.
I always thought that the problem must be me. There must be something in me that pisses these people off, to make them lost interest in the friendship. Maybe I talk too much. Maybe I preach too much. Maybe I'm just too fucked up.
Then again, I think it's just our fate to be in each other's life fading. Ending.
There will also be times where I'll think of a special few. Recalling with good thoughts. :)
Those I thought would be my bestfriends for life. Lol. I think I should learn by now that forever and for life are just one of the many lies we have. How many bestfriends have step foot into my life and then slowly walked away? Very very few la but still......
Someone told me that one can only have one bestfriend and it's the one that you'll love unconditionally. Honestly, I don't know why we should only have one. :/ I mean...
& also because, I always love my bestfriends unconditionally! LOL.
I used to have... 3 in primary school, and then got drifted with 2 of them. And the last one.... still dear to me but we've just been too caught up with our own lives so... not really? Would still call her my bestfriend though. Later, I gained another one; who also left. Lol. And then there was one who I consider one of my dearest bestfriends of all. The cycle repeats though! Because we've since drifted apart too. Zz
Still still, I am very very very grateful because they were all really good friends. I have ever since gotten over and I'm glad I can stick to my spousey♥ and girlfriends now. xD
By the law of attraction, this entry to going to attract more negativity in the F aspect of my life. But I needed this. Better to clear my mind for more theories to be absorbed than be preoccupied with these depressing thoughts. Though second part of the entry no longer that depressing. xD
Thank you, though, because these people have also brought much joy in my life when they passed by. Also, thank you for these experiences because now I know that I have to treasure every single second I have with friends who I have now. Ah! And to also realize who really matters to me right now. :')