What In The World?!

Me: “Yeah.. Drafting the email to lawyer now”
Shan: “Don’t you think it’s quite unreal
You wouldn’t have imagined that one day you would be doing this.”
Me: “Yeaaah.. very unreal. Tbh, everything that is happening now to my Dad and the world feels like I'm in a terribly written dream…”

A terribly written dream.

As I think about everything that has been happening to the world, to my family and particularly, to my Dad, nothing feels real. Everything feels like it’s part of a nightmare. Days are going by, still ticking off by the second, but it feels more like I am stuck in a dream instead of living a reality.

While the family is just taking life as it comes, one obstacle at a time, I am glad things haven't really changed. We are still the way we have always been, just a slight tweak to my Dad’s diet, and we are still happy and content (...I think?). For one, I’m extremely thankful that my Dad didn’t become a permanent resident of his darkness - It would have been easy to be stuck in the mode of self-blame, based on the scale of what he had done. And later… what he… got(?) is down with?

I am also really glad that my parents could handle their own situations themselves - I haven’t talked about it much, have I?

It’s weird to say this, but when things unfolded back in November, I realise my parents were real adults. They could handle problems on their own. Of course, it shouldn’t be something to be amazed about and I am sure they have done this multiple times, but being an adult now and seeing how they are dealing with shit and life, made me realise how independent they are, and I am really grateful for that. For all we know, we could have been those families that needed their kids to shoulder on parent’s mistakes, debt and whatnot. But nope, I am blessed.

-

Shan: “How’s your extrovert self gna deal with this circuit breaker one month period? Lol.”
Me: “I AM SO BORED ALREADY NOT EVEN INTO THE MONTH. But I’m reading lol”

The world as we know it is undergoing a major cleanse. Everything you see right now is about COVID-19; TV, Instagram, Facebook…. Everywhere!

As of today, plenty have either been self-quarantined or stuck at home by law, and every material / content there is, are about COVID and how people are dealing with being quarantined; with a dash of humor, of course. But so much so that I’m sick of it all (pun not intended).

I do have to admit though, there has been a few hilarious content - It’s amazing how people come up with them!

Regardless, living a world with a pandemic happening feels so…..…. as Shan puts it, “unreal”.

I am worried, yet nonchalant about the pandemic at the same time. There has been so much talk about COVID-19 that I no longer want to read the news; it’s all so real and devastating. I am worried because Dad has weak immunity and there’s Grandma at home now.

Everyone is having a hard time coping. Life as we know is crumbling.

It feels as though life has changed, but again, life hasn’t really changed much either. Or maybe that’s for me because I still have my job and isn’t financially impacted - just a little tweak to my work environment, arrangement and workload (A LOT MORE!). Perhaps being single helps too? No headaches on how I should care for my kid, keep them entertained indoors or be anxious about having to teach them at home during lockdown. Of course, there’s also my Mum dealing with everything else at home and all I have to do is… be home.

What do I have to worry about...? What has really changed for me…?

Extremely blessed, and I know it.

One thing got me thinking though; this whole pandemic seems to happen at a good time for me. At a time I am bored of work. At a time I feel suffocated by work. At a time I am itching for a change. How is this pandemic helping? It’s like a slap on my face to wake up! Fellow millennial friends will tell me to just go! Life’s not worth being stuck in a place. Yes, but………

My argument would likely be regarded as just stubborn thoughts - stuck in my comfort zone and being lazy~ That’s why, this slap in my face is going to help me reevaluate and not make harsh decisions. This period is a bad time to leave any jobs. This period where the work environment will be different.

I’m not unhappy, just bored. My fear for that 50% chance of a terrible boss / environment surpasses my feelings of boredom.