Do You Know What You Want?

… I sure don't. And this is fucking sad.


I have no idea when this entry would be published and what I would be doing when it does get out, but at this very moment….. I am feeling all frustrated with myself and my current situation.

Work has been good - all thanks to my colleagues because most of them are awesome and very fun to work with.

But I feel stuck in my career. Freaking 26 years old and I'm still in a role that's very administrative heavy. It's something I can do, but I don't see the value or benefits to me. There is no freaking skillset to get my work done. You just do them. It is still very easy to look down on the things that I do, and I hate it. I tell people it's a matter of perspective… well, absolutely! Majority of me is positive while there's this evil tiny bit of me who hates this shit work. Admin admin admin. I don't wanna just keep doing these admin work, but I don't know what else I can do.


Pathetic, isn't it? Sigh.


Life of a millennial. The older generation thinks we have it easy, but they don't understand the self-doubt and struggle we have with our identity. Just because they busted their lives for survival and we have a slightly better life doesn't mean we don't have issues of this generation. It is one thing to be forced into doing what you don't wanna do in order to survive, and another thing to be so damn lost in life with no directions whatsoever. Change is the only constant and this millennial faces another type of challenge.

I have re-contracted with an 8% increment. While I still feel sore that permanent staff get this 1k flexible credit at their disposal, and my lead emphasizing on how contractors are different from Permanent staff….. I've resigned to fate and decided not to fight. I am always this silly. Agreeing to numbers too quickly. Should have said I would consider it first instead of hiding my disappointment and awkwardly saying ‘okay’.

This is why my climb is going to be slow.