Thursday, November 05, 2015

Briefly Hated.

Today, I've learned something new about myself.. I realize that the hatred I may have for people, are shortlived. They don't last very long, and the negative feelings for these people I dislike can suddenly turn neutral. Maybe not overnight, but they do become neutral over time, and I don't realize it changing until it's done deal.

It's not difficult to piss me off, but it's relatively hard to make me dislike or hate someone. Thinking back, I think I've only really disliked and/or hated 5 people till date. And as of today, I no longer dislike these people anymore.

I am not sure if it's something good or bad, but somehow I think it's one way of selfishness. Like... I want nothing but good things for myself, and these negative emotions do no good to me so I eventually rid them. It probably sounds very weird to think of this as a form of selfishness, but I'm weird to begin with.

I don't believe in harping on something that cannot change. It's a lot easier to change what we think, and it's us being kinder to ourselves when we let certain things go. Things that are actually not worth our time or energy. Especially negative emotions.

Anger. Hatred. Sadness.

Negativity is toxic to our body, in ways we do not know. It's like poison to the mind that will kill us slowly and surely from deep inside.

Anger and hatred sometimes become a toll on me... It's an emotion I cannot carry for too long because it uses too much of my energy, and I don't like being unhappy. Cannot let these insignificant people who has pissed me off to stay too long in my bloodline. Who are they man..... Lol.

When I start disliking someone, probably the same for everyone else, I'll start picking on everything and anything they do or say. And in some way, it's toxic to my mind because I focus too much on the bad things and rant about them a bit too much (sometimes). And most of the time, I use negative words to describe these people's stupid deeds. See, negative word.

One thing about me though, I talk to people (actually just Weishan lol) when I'm pissed and trash everything out. There and then. Everything. Maybe this is how I clear out all the negative emotions... And Weishan helps to rationalize things for me most of the time, pointing the other side of the story. Not everyone would appreciate that, but I don't dislike such insights about the same situation. Sometimes, we get so blinded by anger, we only see what we want to see.

I don't care if these bad people continues to be an asshole to me. They will probably stir my emotions again, and I may very well start hating them on a second round, but I know I won't be an asshole to them. That's another thing about me for sure. I may sometimes be rude, but it's not something consistent. I don't know why I am like this.. Why I continue to be semi-nice to these people when they least deserve it. :/ But I just am. Lol.

Two-faced maybe?

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