Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Sunshine after the rain.

Life's full of ups and downs.

There has been a lot of ups this year. Especially in the aspect of traveling. :) But when there's ups, there must be downs to achieve the yin-yang balance.

With that said; it's been a pretty bumpy ride for my maternal side this second half of the year. With grandmother's condition and now my uncle. I just wish, hope and pray that things could remain as they were; for a little bit longer.

Just last night, I've found out what's the most upsetting and the most heartbreaking thing to me.
It's not falling out of love.
It's not failing an exam.
It's not when friends walk out of my life.
It's not when being accused of something I didn't do.

It's watching my mother cry.

21 years and it's only the third time seeing my mother shed tears. We cried together. My sister, myself and even Sugar. It's kindda funny how Sugar was sniffing around and then playing with her toy before hiding her head under our shoe rack. Her eyes were red and really watery.

I guess we all know and feel the heartbreak my mother is experiencing. So painful.

Anyway, exams have started for me.
Just sat for my first paper yesterday.

For the first time in my life, I felt calm and ready (kindda) for a paper. But it turns out to be pretty horrible. What we studied didn't come out. And the thing is, what we studied and focused on were tips given by our lecturer. Lol. Irony to what he said about no one failing his module in the years of his lecturing. I think he's trying to make us break his record.

I can finally understand how some people feel when they get angered by lecturers like that; Giving you nonsense tips to focus on. I can only pray that I pass the paper which is almost impossible with a question I totally misunderstood and another I definitely did wrongly. I really don't want to repeat this module though, because of the lecturer, I've lost interest in the subject....... five(?) lectures into the semester.

Getting a degree is so difficult. lol.

I've been thinking a lot about other stuffs too. Was just talking to my sister when we chanced upon the "love" topic. Maybe it's because I've lost faith in love or it's just a fact that love is just an impulse affection that would eventually fade away. &When this love dies, what's left is the habitual affection, the bonded affection or just... obligated affection that makes people stay with each other. Like married couples; over time, who knows if it's still love or just a bond that keeps them together? There are so many examples of faded love. Even I have had experienced such instance. I don't know. I think "love" is too big a word and too complicated an emotion that people overuse.

Just some thoughts to clear before I input more terms for tomorrow's paper. :)
And huhu T^T I'm sick. Zz Great timing my body has. lol.

ps: Please have strength.