Self-Pity

I've had issues tolerating people with constant selfpity. But lately, I find myself drowning into this sea of emotion. So vast and deep. I didn't even realize I'm acting like the people I used to be disinterested in. People who had this huge selfpity.

Sigh.

I don't even know what I feel anymore. This minute I'm cool and happy and fine, but the next minute I'm all upset and frustrated.

Maybe it's the lack of life. The lack of having a life outside of work and home. I need rest, but I guess this is what people talk about having a balanced life to keep sane. Rest, work and play are all equally important. Important for our soul.

Tonight is just one of those nights I feel unimportant. Absorbing myself in selfpity because of my many failed attempts to get my friends to hangout. :/ It unknowingly ate into me. Feeling this negative emotion. This selfpity.

I sometimes feel cheap for being so readily available to anyone. Like always free. And then when I attempt to ask another out, I'm always secondary and they are always busy. This cheap feeling. Silly, ain't it?

When you realize you're not one of the priorities of the many who are your priority.

Sigh.

This selfpity is awful. But I find it hard not to think about. :/ It's so so so difficult to ignore what's inside of you.

I've been craving for sodas, icecream and beer. I don't even know why I want them, but I do. People have been commenting that I look sian, troubled. I down beer like it's water. And people start asking "What's wrong?" What am I to say when I do not even know what's wrong?

This emptiness. This black hole.

Please G.Y.M, help me snap out of it.