life's really getting tiring.

okay fine, i admit that she's right about me wanting to blog. but, it's the only way i can vent my frustration and let my mind cool down.
i'm tired. tired of this tiring life. just because she saw the world before me doesn't mean she is always right. i mean like she's right that not many of my friends will really be willing to accompany me to consult a doctor but at least there are still one or two. what's wrong with accomanpying people? well, one thing for sure, that's the thing we younsters do. life's too boring for the time being. other than being trapped at home studying or having dinner with friends outside, i have nothing much to do anymore. okay, there's still one thing i could do. post and chat on msn messenger. but this routine is getting on my nerves. hais. what's more, being at home is of no difference of me rotting outside.

i just don't like it when she keeps saying that i treat friends better than my family. well, for now who is always there with me to share think and thin? err. i think that's not really a good excuse. at least for now, there's people who care and know what's going on with me now. of course there's no problem talking to them about my personal things but it's just the generation gap between us that is blocking us from communicating better. for example, when we are trying to be lame and sarcastic, they never laugh thinking that we are trying to be funny but the fact is we are stupid. however, they don't realise that when they are trying to be lame and sarcastic, we seldom laugh because they are really not funny at all.

just wondering why is it always what she think and so on? i mean like so what if she don't mind people teasing about her appearance? about her personality. have she ever thought of other people's feeling? i know she don't really bother about what people think she is but somehow, she's making me feel disgusted thinking about one my friends. gosh. why are there so thicked-skin people? is being teased a very pleasure experience?

anyway, i really can't take it anymore. it's always what they think that is good for us but rarely what we truly want that makes us happy. yes, they will go on with their logic about friends not being long-lasting at all. so what? that's life isn't it? i bet they have experienced it before. if not, how do they know what's really good for us?

there's so much i wanna say but it's so difficult to write them down. i thought of many things in the toilet but somehow i can't pen them down.

nagging is the best thing they are good at. of course people get frustrated. ask you who actually read my posts. how would you feel when you have someone who keeps thinking what you are thinking but in actual fact, that thinking has never come across your mind before? hmms. this sounds confusing. anyway, what i meant was. would you feel frustrated if someone always think that they are right about what your opinions are? to add on, they say them out loud and are forever concluding what they think.

she's the most understanding person. that's what she claimed. however, she never know what i really want. i don't need money. i don't need good life. i don't need anything that makes my life very comfortable. love is what i really need. okay, i don't mean that i don't feel love from them. but what i really want and really need is attention. full attention. frankly speaking, i'm a sensitive person. i can feel that they are not really interested in the contents of my speech but they are always assuring me that they are listening. come on larhs. whether you are listening i will know de okay. don't say i'm thinking too much. it's rather obvious lorhs.

another thing, how to really communicate with them when they think that the things that are happening to us now are just child play? are all childish acts? don't tell me they have never gone through what we are going through now. don't tell me they have got no childhood. don't tell me they have never been defiant before. hais. i'm so frustrated. i don't know what to do.

head spinning. hais. but still have to do alice. =(

i really don't know why people always think that they should give us money.. why must they think that i only do best for money. am i really that cheap in their eyes? do they really mean it when they say they understand us? they really mean well for us but for us to be happy doesn't mean to only give us the best. at least i know i don't feel the solid love, care and attention from them. loving doesn't mean to give me what i want, to grant my wishes or anything. caring doesn't mean to ask how i feel after something happen. what about our daily lives? do they even care? attention is something so important. how can one live with someone who doesn't pay attention at all?

don't say you know that i'm discipline and that i can study. so what if i really can? do you really want me to flung one subject to make you start asking? i don't think there's a need right? forget it. just admit that i'm living with people who always claim they understand what they don't realise they do not.

urg!!! feel like screaming. don't feel like seeing her nor talking to her. there's no big deal being someone who experienced more. life is to enjoy and experience what's there to be experienced. no point asking me to see they world if you already stop me from stepping out. urg!!!