CRAP!

sighs. many things have been happening these days. don't really feel like blogging. -.-

today, Yanling and i were chatting during recess. then, i told her it's so much better to hang out with each other less often. i still remember those small and uneccessary quarrels we had two years ago. too much time spent together. LOLs. like what people say; "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". we finally understand what it really means. we've experienced it, in fact.

i find it quite ridiculous? lols.
i was once very careful with my every move and says; i was afraid to lose friends. it would be a nightmare to me if i were to lose any. the misunderstanding experience in primary school was enough.
then, i started to change because of the people i hang out with.
slowly, i learn to be more outspoken; thinking that they would be fine with it? and also because i feel very comfortable with them. but then i realise, the worse nightmare is having to think that the things you do are okay when they are actually not. well, great acting i should say. what was with all those things you said and did??

i feared this a year ago after that night. things were better after the confrontations. yet now, i see them surfacing up again. why?
i didn't expect you to be like that. seriously; of all people, i REALLY didn't expect you to be like that. it's not the first time. why can't you just tell me straight in my face instead of doing what you're doing? like in the past, not solving the problem doesn't make the problem solve on it's own; don't you understand?!?

i don't want to do the asking again. like her favourite quote, "fine, forget it. just let it be."

maybe he's right? most friends are there for us to take advantage of only. i didn't believe that crap at first even when he gave me examples. i thought he was senseless. but now, i see his point. i was dumb to quarrel with him about this issue. he was right. i shouldn't have thought that his life was pathetic. MINE was and is. he was right again, i shouldn't find uneccessary problems for myself. live for each day. don't plan ahead; it's stupid.

if only we live on an earth that doesn't revolve.

maybe i was wrong all these while. now i know what to do. i'll try to go back to who i was.

sighs.

Let bygones be bygones.

there's no time for me to be bothered about these anymore. i'm sick and tired of all these rubbish. maybe this is my reputation for something i've done in the past. sighs.
Jiaxuan and Yanling, i'm really sorry. i finally know how it feels.
lols. guess what? i'm crying because of you again. stupid.

i feel so f****** used by you! but i just can't make myself to hate you! BASTARD~

and YOU! can you stop sounding so pathetic?!? please.. don't blame people for not helping when you never ask for help. i've tried offering but you said you need none. so, stop your complaining! it's pissing me off. you always make it seem as though we NEVER help you and that you're always the one speaking up for us. please, you don't often see us being talked to~ i know you're pressured but so are we. URG! can't stand it whenever you put yourself in such a pathetic state!
life now sucks big time!

case CLOSED. i shall speak nothing of these anymore.